How many times have we agreed to do an activity, take on a task, or otherwise obligated ourselves to something, only to resent ourselves for agreeing? Why is it so hard to say “no,” and what does that say about our sense of self-worth?
I have a very difficult time saying that word in a multitude of situations. Because of this inability, I oftentimes find myself bogged down with additional responsibilities that cause added stress and constraints on my time, which was already limited prior to the additional obligation. I believe that this stems from two reasons, at least in my case: a desire to feel accomplished, and the desire to please others.
To be truly accomplished, however, the accomplishments need to reflect what I really want out of life. Tasks that don’t convey a sense of purpose or meaning will not add to anything but my stress level, and although I will have accomplished them, what will it really mean? Any new activity, organization, or volunteer opportunity I hear about, I usually take. While I do feel a sense of accomplishment, I am often left exhausted and wondering why I added something else to my list of obligations. Many people who are driven, over-achievers by nature fall victim to “yes.” But by saying “no” when the gut reaction is not positive, we will allow ourselves more room for the things that matter.
Reluctantly saying “yes” not only causes resentment, but negatively affects others who may be involved. Reluctance means that you will not put your heart into the task, and negative thoughts and behaviors associated with the task will be broadcast to others. It is better to respectfully decline than risk the consequences. I believe the person doing the asking will respect you more for being honest with them, and more importantly, you will be behaving honestly with yourself.
